Lost.

Dear Chloe,

Nothing much to say actually.

I typed a lot , and backspaced a lot too.

The words that I'm trying to convey

are just way too much to be written down in a post.

They all stuck in my mind,

too doleful to deliver,

too wistful to keep.

Trying to reach out for someone to talk to,

but thinking about how much it will pester other people,

I always end up keeping everything for myself.

Everything seems so wrong,

and I always wonder when it will go right.

The real question is,

will it ever go right again?

"Smile and act like everything is okay",

that's what I always tell myself.

But the problem is,

till when can I stand faking the smiles?

The counterfeit acts just make me feel so fake.

I wonder when is this gonna end.

"Don't think too much", people say.

But it's not as easy as turning the palm of your hand.

I will always end up reminiscing every piece of memories from the past.

And eventually,I will be lost again in my thought.

Being alone is what best for me these days,

I need it.

By being alone, I don't need to force myself to smile,

I don't need to force myself to talk,

I don't need to act,

I don't need to be fake.

And most of all,

by being alone,

I could  contemplate all of the blessings I've got,

and learn how to cherish them.

It aint easy,

nobody says it's easy..

but maybe,just maybe?

it will be worth it.

Maybe I just need to believe, that things will get better when the time comes.

won't it?