Twenty one.

*face of my 21st*

I'm finally taking my first step to be a twenty one years old woman.

Excited? Sad? Happy? Depressed? 

No.

I dont feel a thing.

Seriously, it's like numb, nothing, just nothing.

It's just another ordinary day, I may say.

It will be just a little bit more special if I state it as "special ".

Frankly speaking,in this current situation of mine, I could say that there's actually nothing could make me feel blithe or contented. I know I'm drowned too deep into my thoughts,I just can't help it. If you're a loyal reader of mine, you'll know how much I can't wait to grow up, grow older,and live my life more. I still do, I still feel blessed today that I could still have a chance to breathe some air. I still thank my mom who gave me birth in the very first place, I still thank my parents, just like how I always do on my every birthday.

But today, there's something different, and I feel different.

Since I started to leave my juvenile years last year, and took the very first step as a young adult, things started to change along the way. Life turned out to be not as smooth as before. It seemed more like a very long journey to walk on, and it aint easy. Sharp gravels appeared out of nowhere in all of sudden, and I slipped a lot of times. I could never succeed to picture what kind of road is waiting for me once I get up from my fall. Sometimes I even met another gravels and slipped again. So in a nutshell, I could only say, life is indeed unpredictable. I said I had prepared myself with all of the consequences, but still, action speaks louder than words do, in fact, I could say that I'm still so far from "fully prepared".

Maybe this is the real life we are living in, maybe this is the real picture of life, this is the life people talk about. I finally could understand the way of life, how it really works, how it shows us that it aint a playground  if we really try to live it. I could no longer whine like a kid, i could only shut my jaw tight, get up and carry on.

So at the end of the day, I have finally decided to set a new aim for my life - find some peace. 

Yes,since I've found out how life really works, I need to find the peace of mind, and the only way to reach that state, is to be braver to face any obstacle that might show up along the way, instead of running away and get stuck deeper and deeper in this unsolved maze.

Yes, at the end of the day, I could just tell myself:

I need to be stronger.

I need to be braver.

I need to keep on living in a better way each day.

I know it is supposed to be a happy post, but for what I've been through, I can't turn it into a happier post. And I don't think I need to fake it, since it's my feeling I'm trying to depict into words. 

Thank you for all the greetings, and thanks to the ones who made my day. 

I feel blessed, I really do.

:))

"The leaves of memory make a mournful rustle in the dark."